When I Wake
by Mango517
Summary: Post The Omen Machine. Nicci reflects on her feelings for Richard as she heals him and Kahlan in the Garden of Life.


**Title**: When I Wake

**Summary**: Post The Omen Machine. Nicci reflects on her feelings for Richard as she heals him and Kahlan in the Garden of Life.

**A/N**: [Re-post from other another account.] This is set in the book universe. If you aren't familiar with the book(s) this is probably going to be way weird. Quick summary of what you missed about Nicci if you just watched the show; Nicci joins Richard side after kidnapping him (sort of like Bound) and becomes his companion/teacher. It's kind of good to have her around because everyone (including Kahlan herself) forgets Kahlan and Richard really needs a good (and powerful) friend around. Anyway Nicci is around for like all the later books, just chilling out and being awesome!

And now I've totally fallen in love with Nicci. I mean she's just so bad ass and so effing wounded. She's just my kind of character. Maybe it was because I read _Confessor_ first when starting over (yeah I pretty much read the three last books backwards.) Or maybe I've grown up some since I read _Faith of the Fallen_ (which I thought was kind of boring the first time around.)

Because it's taking forever for the next book in the series to come out (and while I like _the First Confessor_ it wasn't the same without Richard&Kahlan) and I've been totally obsessing about the unfulfilling ending of _Omen Machine_ and Nicci this is what I ended up with.

* * *

**-When I Wake-**

She had told Zedd and Cara she needed to be alone with them. It was a lie, but a harmless one. She kneeled next to Richard touching his hair gingerly. He leaned into her touch; just the slightest. Just being in the People's Palace was helping him fight the death inside him. The darkness.

Knowing Kahlan was far weaker Nicci forced herself to turn from Richard to the dark haired woman. The Mother Confessor, Richard's beautiful love. If not for the horrible paleness to her skin Nicci could believe Kahlan was just asleep. Only she was not. She was dying. If Nicci chose to save Richard and then was too weak to save Kahlan she knew he would never forgive her. That was the worst thing she could ever imagine. Richard forever angry with her.

So she began to draw the spell forms around Kahlan. Nicci's Han was weak from being inside the Palace but that didn't stop her from doing this. It was just as much her power as her knowledge and determination that would save them.

The magic made her feel lightheaded and when she finished she had to take deep breaths. She felt the underworld, the Keeper, might overwhelm her and drag her into the void. Felt the black claws of the underworld reach for her, trying to steal her precious life. It made her skin crawl as the blackness began to touch her, pull her away.

_No._

She needed to be strong. She clung to memories of life. Of beautiful sunsets and wonderful creations. To memories of Richard. The Keeper couldn't have her. She needed to save Kahlan for Richard.

Blackness swept out over the garden of life, blacker than any night. For a moment Nicci couldn't breathe, the sensation of drawing death out of Kahlan too powerful. She wondered if she could do it again while keeping herself on this side of the veil. She knew she had no other choice but to try; she had to save Richard.

The Mother Confessor did not move or wake but Nicci could see what she had done had worked. It was up to Kahlan to cling to life now. Nothing Nicci could do would help her. She was too weak to heal anything.

She turned to Richard. Once more she touched his hair, his cheek. They were innocent touches but they soothed her soul. She sometimes wondered what it would be like to be able to touch him like this whenever she wanted. Wondered what it would be like to have him hold her close, to whisper sweet words in her ear, to wake with him next to her. To have his last thoughts before he went to sleep be of her, just like Nicci's were of him.

Sometimes Nicci wondered what it would be like to be Kahlan.

And sometimes…sometimes Nicci wondered what her life would be like without Kahlan. Not like with Chainfire. No. She would never want to wipe Kahlan from existence. She respected the other woman far too much, knew how important she was.

But what if something else happened to Kahlan. What if she fell and broke her neck? What if she was killed by some strange magic, much like she had almost been by the Hedge Maid's? What if one of the many dangers of the world took her?

Nicci knew how heartbroken Richard would be. Nicci would be too. Everyone would. But just maybe that would make it possible for the dreams Nicci had to become real. Still, even if, she would be second best. And she didn't want that. But no matter how hard she tried Nicci could not stop loving Richard.

Not that she truly wanted to stop it, which in itself was part of the problem. She loved to wake up and have memories of him smiling at her play before her eyes. Loved the spark in his gray eyes. Loved how he understood her. Loved the way he looked at her. The way he respected her.

Finishing the spell forms around Richard she reached for the darkness inside him. It was easier than with Kahlan, Richard's own magic helped her. Nicci's love for him protected her from the darkness of the underworld.

The garden of life once more became as black as night. Richard was safe. Nicci slumped back, too tired to do much more than exist. She had saved them both, she had done it. She put her hand on Richard's forehead, trying to ease some of the pain he was in. Not with magic but with simple touch. He didn't open his eyes but instead murmured one word.

"Kahlan."

She wasn't surprised but her chest felt painfully tight.

She knew it was always going to be Kahlan.

Because Kahlan was the last thing Richard thought of before he went to sleep and the first when he woke up.

It was always going to be Kahlan.

.

.

**END**


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